Relapsed, really trying to make it this time!

So I have been reading this sub for awhile and never posted, but decided to give it a shot. I am an alcoholic and an addict and got out of treatment 3 weeks ago. I felt so good in treatment, have a sponsor, going to meetings but k has me hooked again. I have been using for 10 days, 1g per day, and just finished the k I have. I know where this will lead me, to loosing myself in cramps, confusion…just literally sucking my life out from under me. My body is already starting to get fucked up…can’t sleep, constipated, anxiety…and I am trying to take it one hour at a time and trying to just get through the day. I know it is going to be hard, and I am just going to get through this day. If I don’t stop today, stopping will be way worse, and living in that cage of ket addiction is hell.

I am lucky that my body was able to recover so well after 7 weeks of treatment, while I pee a lot still, I got my energy and mind back. I have so much to loose, a loving boyfriend who is ready to build a life with me. We just moved into our new house and the sun is shining here in Canada and I am fortunate enough that I am able to take a break from working and focus on my recovery. Ketamine is the devil that will take that all away from me if I keep going. I know I am powerless over it and have surrendered to its power. The craziest part is that it isn’t even DOING anything to me really anymore, just making me dumb and a little numb.

Any words of encouragement would be appreciated! I feel so alone…nobody in my recovery network knows anything about ketamine and how hard it is. Compared to kicking booze this is hell! One hour at a time right now!