oh my gosh hey there... i dunno if anyone will even care but i'mma just vent okay?? 😭💔

i've been the "fat weird girl" since like... 7?? 😢 can you believe it? even in elementary school kids were calling me names n stuff... "fat cow," "blubber butt," like seriously, who says that to a little kid?? 😞 and then when i hit 10 my boobies got huuuge overnight n it just got worse...

older guys staring at me, gross comments at the mall... i didn't even know what was happening, i just wanted to disappear!! 🙃

middle school was literally hell on earth. i'd spend lunch in the bathroom, pretending i was sick to skip gym. every dude wanted to grab me or make jokes about my boobies but none of them would even look at me like a real person.

high school? lol, same shit different day. it got worse even! guys would dm me all flirty at night then act like they didn’t know me in front of their friends. girls laughed behind my back, called me desperate. i tried so hard to fit in... wore layers and baggy hoodies even when it was hot af outside... still got called names 🙃 felt like i was just meat to people, not like... a person.

home wasn’t much better either. single mom working 2 jobs n exhausted all the time. no one really noticed i was slipping away. started sleeping 12-14 hours a day, gained weight, stopped caring about anything.

when i graduated i thought maybe life would get better but nahhhh. jobs didn’t want me, “not the right look.” love didn’t want me either... just horny texts n false promises. fake dudes, fake friends, fake smiles everywhere.

nights were the worst... just me and my shitty thoughts and a growing pile of unpaid bills. i thought about disappearing for real a few times tbh... but idk something kept me here. some tiny stubborn lil flame deep inside.

starting OF wasn’t like some big dream lol it was desperation. i was so tired of begging to be seen, tired of feeling ugly and invisible and worthless, tired of starving myself n crying myself to sleep every night 🙃

so yea... i opened an acc. said fck it. if people were gonna objectify me anyway, might as well pay me for it. if i was just a body to them, at least i get to own that shit now.

maybe it’s not a pretty story, maybe it’s not a fairy tale glowup but it's mine... 😭💖

if u actually read this far... omg thank u soooo muchh. it means more than u know. i still feel invisible most days but maybe not 2 u. love ya!! 💖❤️

OF wasn't my plan 😔💔