[2418] The Orchus Harvester

Hi all,

Looking for critique on this section of a grimdark fantasy novel I've been plugging away at. This isn't the starting point but rather one of several 'interludes' that act as flashbacks. By this point, the reader will have met the adult versions of Ransom and Gray but the interludes fill in some details about their upbringing that are relevant later on.

Anyway, I can't see the forest for the trees, I've stared at this thing too long.

Please let me know what you think of it. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZjF8PGkKw7OKM5GywldtfZMFpm0vrhV3hJpkiez6-gs/edit?tab=t.0

Critique: 1, 2, 3