Midazolam gave me the only moment of true peace I’ve ever felt — has anyone else experienced this or found anything similar?

Five years ago I had my wisdom teeth removed. A nurse came in, said something, and then put something into my IV. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but I’ve come to believe it was midazolam.

It hit almost instantly. My vision started to blur — just for a few seconds — and then it returned to normal. What happened next was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my life. Every single bit of tension, anxiety, and stress left my body. There was no fear, no racing thoughts, no past or future. It was like my brain stopped trying to think, plan, or protect me. There was just peace.

My mind was completely quiet — not numbed or foggy, just… still. If someone had asked me what I was doing the next day, I don’t think I would’ve been able to answer. Not because I didn’t know — but because I didn’t care. For the first time ever, I was free from the constant mental noise and weight I carry. I could observe everything going on around me, but I didn’t have any emotional reaction. I didn’t need to react. I just was — fully present, blissfully detached, and okay.

Then they wheeled me into the surgery room. I vaguely remember being in there, aware of people moving around me, but I had no ability or need to respond emotionally. And then the next thing I remember, I was waking up in recovery.

That single experience — maybe 10 or 15 minutes of my life — has stayed with me for five years. I still think about how it felt. That was the only time in my entire life I’ve ever felt what I imagine people mean when they say they feel “calm,” “centered,” or “at peace.”

Now here’s the hard part. I’ve tried over 15 medications over the past decade — antidepressants, ADHD meds, anti-anxiety meds — and none of them have helped. Not even a little. Some made me feel worse, others did nothing at all. I’ve felt broken for a long time because nothing works. It’s like my brain rejects everything that’s supposed to help.

But midazolam worked. I know it’s not something you can use long-term, and I know it’s not a solution. But it proved to me that my brain can feel okay under the right conditions. And that’s why it’s stuck with me.

I’m wondering whether I should tell my psychiatrist about this — about how midazolam made me feel, how it’s the only thing that’s ever made a real difference. Part of me is scared they’ll dismiss it, or that it won’t change anything. But another part of me wonders if it could actually help them figure out what direction to take. Maybe it points to something useful?

Has anyone else experienced this kind of mental stillness from midazolam or anything else? Has anyone found a medication or therapy that brings on something even close to this? I’m open to any ideas, because I just want to function — I don’t need perfect, I just want the chaos in my head to quiet down enough to live.

Any experiences or insights would mean a lot. Thank you.