He doesn't seem interested in sex anymore

About nine months ago, I met Jay (not his real name of course) on Reddit. From the beginning, everything was clear, he knew that my boyfriend was looking for another guy to have sex with me, and he was open to that. No confusion, no hidden intentions.

Now, I’ve always been someone who takes time when it comes to intimacy, slow burn kumbaga. My boyfriend understands that, and I made sure Jay does too. Thankfully, he didn’t mind. He wasn’t rushing into sex either, since this is also his first time to be in this kind of setup. We chose to build a companionship, spending time together, going on dates, doing things we both enjoyed, and just letting things unfold naturally.

As we got to know each other, we had our share of affectionate moments. Holding hands, casual touches, a few kisses and all that. It was sweet, slow, and comforting. Sex wasn’t part of the picture yet, and that was okay.

Then, around the six-month mark, I felt ready to take that next step. I told him I was open to having sex, but life kept getting in the way. Our schedules just wouldn’t align, so the moment kept getting pushed back.

Two months after that, while we were out on a date, we decided on the spot to have a sleepover. But we made it clear, no sex just yet, not until we both got tested, something I’m firm about. Still, things got heated. We were naked, touching each other in ways we hadn’t before. We both came, and it felt intimate, exciting, and real.

After that night, we slid back into our regular routine, dates, quality time, the usual rhythm we’d built. But over the past few weeks, Jay’s been acting distant. Conversations feel more surface-level, his energy’s pulled back, and something feels… off.

I brought it up and asked him directly if he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. He said that wasn’t the case. But every time I bring up getting tested, so we can finally follow through on what we started, he dodges the topic. Says he’s too busy.

It’s confusing. He still wants to see me. He still wants to go on dates. But every time sex comes up, it’s like hitting a wall.

I talked to my boyfriend about it. He said to give Jay some space for now. But he also suggested I set a deadline, if Jay continues to avoid the conversation and isn’t willing to move forward, then maybe it’s time to let go and stop seeing him altogether.

Did I take too long with all this? Maybe I should’ve moved things along sooner or set a clearer timeline. As a newbie in this kind of setup, maybe I really made a mistake and I should make this a learning experience.