I need advice. I don’t know what to do, and I’m scared of making the wrong decision

I’m 29 years old, and my girlfriend is 25. We’ve been together for 13 years. She had a huge crush on me back then, though I didn’t know it at the time. I was already in a relationship with someone else back then, but only a few people knew—I've always been very private about my relationships.

Through mutual friends, I eventually found out how deeply she loved me. My then-girlfriend advised me to tell her the truth so that she wouldn't get hurt later. I followed that advice, and when I told her, I saw her heart shatter in front of me. That moment made me realize how much she truly loved me.

Eventually, my relationship ended, and I was heartbroken. Even though she was hurt, she supported me through that time. She could’ve walked away, but she didn’t. She stood by me. After I healed from the breakup, I decided to be with her. She had loved me unconditionally, and I wanted to give her that same love.

The early years of our relationship weren’t easy. I wasn’t in love the same way she was. But she taught me how to love—truly. All the small gestures, the emotional depth, the connection... she brought all of that into my life. Slowly, things changed, and she became my everything. I’m an introvert, and I don’t have many close friends, so she became my partner and my best friend.

Our bond deepened. We went from small talks to hour-long conversations, daily calls, and dreaming about a future together. She gave me all her attention and love, and I soaked it in.

A little context about our relationship: We come from a place where dating isn’t very common, and her father was strict. So, in the initial years, we never actually dated. We were careful not to risk what we had. Still, we saw each other occasionally at events or in passing. We didn’t have sex—we only started making out 5–6 years into the relationship. In total, we met in person around 6–7 times before I moved abroad.

In 2021, I moved overseas for my studies, and she stayed back in our home country. Things were going great between us. I was alone abroad, and I began to rely on her even more emotionally. Her attention and effort kept me going.

Later, she also moved abroad—but to a different country. That’s when things started to change. She moved with her childhood friend (a male), and gradually, she began texting me less and less.

Just a few months before her move, she used to share everything with me—down to which outfits she was trying on while shopping for the trip. She was emotional and very attached to her parents, so I assumed being far from home would make her even more emotionally dependent on me. But the opposite happened—she became distant.

A bit more about her personality: She’s an extrovert, very lovable, and people are naturally drawn to her. She makes friends easily. I’ve always trusted her completely, even back home when she was constantly surrounded by male and female friends. I never felt jealous.

But since she moved, we’ve had many fights. Her reason is always the same: “I’m overwhelmed. Everything is new. I’m stressed.” And to be fair, I wasn’t constantly nagging her—I was busy myself. But she started spending more and more time with her childhood friend, as they worked together. She also grew close to another guy (he’s married but the same age as her). I now see her having fun with them while I feel left behind.

She tells me this is her way of coping with stress—by staying busy, staying engaged. She says it’s a difficult phase and it’ll pass, and then we’ll be back to normal. But this has been going on for nine months now. And I’m mentally exhausted.

During our last fight, she told me she’s lost the ability to love. She said she doesn’t feel love anymore. She’s overwhelmed, stressed about her future and her career, and doesn’t know what to do. When I told her maybe we should end things, she said, “I know I’ll regret this when I’m out of this phase, but I can’t stop you. I’m hurting you again and again.”

That tore me up. What if she’s telling the truth? What if she’s just going through a dark phase? Because I still love her with all my heart. She’s my world.

But I’m breaking inside. I’ve turned to weed and vaping, which has only worsened my anxiety and overthinking. And I’m scared. If I leave her and it turns out she really was just overwhelmed, and still loved me deep down... I don’t know what that would do to either of us. I know how deeply she used to love me, and I fear that she might not survive it emotionally if I walk away.

It’s not like she has completely cut me off. She still texts me when she comes home (though sometimes she falls asleep without messaging). If I ask for a call, she makes time. She sends me pictures. But I don’t feel the same energy anymore. When I see her laughing and having fun with friends, I wonder where I stand.

In our last argument, she even admitted that she enjoys spending time with her friends more. She said she has chosen her friends over me multiple times. For example, during her exams, when she was busy for two weeks, our communication dropped drastically. But once exams were over, instead of catching up with me, she jumped from one plan to the next with her friends. She told me she can’t give me even 5% of the affection I want right now. She said she wants to be selfish, to think about her own happiness, and cope with stress however she can—be it with friends, relatives, or classmates.

I also want to acknowledge my mistakes. My weed use has made me anxious and paranoid, and maybe I’ve been emotionally needy. I don’t message her constantly, but I do want her time—a few hours a week at least. But even that seems hard for her to give unless I reach out first.

Deep down, I still believe she loves me. Maybe all this is just because of the intense pressure she’s under—student loans, career uncertainty, homesickness. And I know her childhood friend is committed to someone else.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if she’s being truthful about her emotional state or if she’s slowly falling out of love. I trust her, and I know she would never cheat—she’s a pure soul. But I feel lost. I don’t know if I should keep waiting or let go.

Has anyone gone through something similar? Please advise.