i was raped two years ago and i think about it every day

when i was 17, just weeks before turning 18, my boyfriend at the time raped me in my own bed, in my own room. i stayed with him until he left me for a girl he had cheated on me with, so i was embarrassed about all of it, i never told anyone until a year later when i finally went to therapy and opened up to my therapist. and only a few months ago did i tell my mom and my sister. i’ve tried to heal and unpack, and i think i have for the most part. but i still am haunted by it. it creeps into my mind somehow someway every single day. at least once a day i think about what happened to me. and if i think about it for too long, or too deeply, i start crying. it’s become exhausting. it’s been two and a half years, not one day goes by where i’m not thinking about it, reliving it. sometimes he’s even in my dreams, apologizing for what he did to me. and i hate the feeling that he still has that power over me. he still has control even though i haven’t seen or talked to him since, all because i can’t get it out of my head. i want to just forget. at this point i feel like i will never get closure, i will never be free.