I need help

I’m 19. I don’t really know how to start this, but I guess I’m just tired. I’ve been feeling off for a long time—like I’m here, but I’m not really living. Some days, getting out of bed feels like dragging a mountain. Other days, I fake smiles so well, even I almost believe them. But when I’m alone, it all crashes down.

Lately, I’ve been having thoughts I never thought I’d have. Scary ones. Ones that make me question if this life is worth it. I don’t say this for attention. I say it because I don’t want to carry this by myself anymore. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to keep pretending everything’s okay when it’s not.

I don’t know exactly what I need, maybe someone to listen without judgment, maybe someone who won’t try to fix me but will just sit with me in this mess. I just want the pain to stop. I want to believe that things can change. I try getting a girl thinking everything would change i got rejected more than i cant count i try making some new friends but it never worked out.😔