i've never actually lived life

(tagging this with the question flair because even i genuinely need advice at the end)

bad childhood (0-10), worse pre-teens (10-13), disastrous teens (13-20), followed by a young adulthood that's even worse (18-21) means i never truly LIVED any phase of life.

5 years ago i made a list of life aspects that make your life in childhood, then teens, then young adulthood. things like parents, family, financial situation, living situation, physical and mental health, friends and peers (experiences with them), and so on. the list has about 15-18 such points. when i started looking back on my life so far i realised my life has been shit all the time. all the fucking time. and this isn't my depression speaking, it's everything my family members have told me in blissful ignorance of how horrifying these facts are. my life so far has been trauma from parents and family, poor finances, physical and mental health issues, bullying, alienation and betrayal by friends and peers, no meaningful connections romantically or platonically, and no positive memories or life experiences to speak of. if i wrote down all the bad things that have happened to me in 22 years, and the good things that never did, no one would read it, let alone actually believe me.

i know i'm young, but i've never been able to feel young. just like i never felt like a teen. or pre-teen. turns out that's' what being on survival mode does to you. i say this because people will rush to say "but you're so young! your life hasn't even started yet!" and i don't know how effective that would be for someone who's spent their entire life watching other people get every single thing they've been begging for.

i guess what i'm asking for is some advice on how to build a life where i'm not miserable every day. time is on my side, i'm aware. i was also aware of it when i was 16 and thinking about this all for the first time, but nothing came of that realization. now 5 years and a shitload of newer trauma later, i still want to try to salvage things. any advice will be great, and i'll provide any details about my situation as required. i need to know exactly how young 21/22 is, and how i can make a life for myself for the first time.