[39/M] Where are those forever best friends?!

Hello everyone. I'm a guy dealing with becoming 39 and not having anyone close in his life, no real in-person friends and no relationship for a very many years.

I live in the northeast US, some of my interests include gaming, arts and crafts, models and Legos and all kinds of puzzle or assembly things. Sometimes I also write, or paint, but I am most passionate about my photography work.

My job is a struggle, and low pay, and not permanent or full time, so I am always in a sense of livelihood anxiety or whatever you want to call it. Part of my goals is finding a more realistic job to base my finances, etc on and also something that supports my interests and schooling.

I'm realizing that anyone I ever felt truly close to either cheated on me, abaondoned me, or found a reason to leave me, which has naturally created a huge amount of pain an rejection. We don't necessarily have to talk about this but its me saying I am open to talking about my own stuff. In a way, I tend to feel like the person left, or used, or on the losing side. Which is rough.

I hope you all have an amazing day and that you find someone worth your time and heart. Thank you for reading. :)