Is anyone else struggling to work about 4 years after diagnosis?

I did the “return to work plan” and gradually re-entered my full time role (slightly about normal stress level office environment in a creative field) after about 2 years away doing treatment for stage 3A IDC. I did great and was so happily focused on “finally feeling better” that I overworked myself into a spiral. My husband had an accident and it pushed me over the edge in the fall, I had a breakdown, suicidal thoughts and couldn’t cope with anything. After some medication adjustments and reviews by my doctors and OT, they advised I work 5h days and it helped me a lot. I’m coming to the point where my cognitive symptoms are just so difficult to manage: can’t organize myself, very forgetful, struggle with sleep (got diagnosed with apnea and have been trying CPAP for 6ish months with no notable results), scan anxiety, I still visit my cancer centre twice a year for oncology follow-up as I am a high risk patient and she also has me on zoladronic acid infusions while I’m taking my AI for two more years… I’ve done months of therapy, worked with my management on better boundaries and smaller workload, but I still feel like I’m drowning and can’t accomplish work like I’m used to.

Like is it insane that I can’t manage even working a 5h work day? I’m feeling like a failure, even though I know that I’m just trying my best. My body is showing so many physical signs of stress: hives, heart palpitations, pain, migraines, I just can’t anymore.

Do people actually not work after this? Am I alone in thinking I need to take another leave of absence?

I’m feeling stuck - not a good time for me to leave my job when I really need health benefits but maybe I need to find something else that’s “easier” to do? I love my job but I’m feeling incompetent and “done.”

I also am in the thick of raising two young kids.

Maybe I just needed to get this out of my head to some similar sitch folks. Thx for reading 🩷