Husband can’t/wont hold down a job and I’m miserable

My husband loves me but 2 years of marriage with him has been exhausting, challenging, and burdensome. I feel like I’m gaslighting myself by thinking it’s not “that bad” because he’s not cheating, abusive, lying, or a bad father, etc. all of the “good” or “understandable” reasons to divorce. How do you justify to yourself moving on when love just isn’t enough?

I feel like I settled and I’m starting to resent it. I feel like life with my husband will always be a struggle - but I signed up for it. How do you forgive yourself for ignoring red flags?

I was raised by a single mom so I never looked for a man to take care of me I just wanted someone to love me for me. I found that in husband. I didn’t care that I made more money than him and I just focused on how he made me feel. Ignoring financial security, emotional availability, and maturity.

Things were great initially, shortly after our daughter was born he started to get very stressed about money. Saying things like he wants to be a provider. I was making 3X what he was making at this time and honestly I didn’t care I was happy he was home being such a present dad to our daughter. But that wasn’t enough for him. He started chasing more money and looking for other jobs.

He’s a truck driver so he’d be gone for weeks sometimes months at time then he’d get depressed about being gone, quit and come work locally to be home. Then he’ll work locally and feel like he’s “not doing enough” and go get a job on the road. He’s had 7 different jobs in 3 years.

I’ve stood by every job change. I’ve been the sole breadwinner when he’s in between jobs, he has no savings no 401k. When he quits his job I’m then paying for both car payments, both insurances, cell phones, rent, health insurance, everything…

The stress of being financially responsible for the entire household has really taken its toll mentally. It would be different if this were just a short a hard time or lay off out of his control. But this is a pattern. He gets a job eveything is fine and I feel encouraged we’ll get back on track, then he sabotages himself and quits, then he’s depressed he’s not doing enough so he hurries out to get a job that he doesn’t really like, then he’s quit shortly after, this has happened again and again and again.

He probably is depressed, but for 2 years he’s been saying he’ll go to therapy then he never does. Uses not having health insurance as an excuse. He repeats “I’m such a loser” “I’m a piece of shit” “you deserve the best and I’m not the best” I don’t know how to respond because it’s hard seeing him like that but I don’t disagree….

I’m starting to get resentful of other marriages. I look at my friends husbands who have stable jobs and I just get jealous. Life is so hard because I’m taking care of my husband financially and emotionally. Along with taking care of a toddler. I have no time to take care of myself and no one to take care of me.

I resent him because frankly he has the privilege of quitting jobs and lounging on the couch all day. I wish I could do that. I’ve never had a period of time where I can just stop working but he can and still have a roof over his head, a car to drive, food to eat. I’m holding it down while he’s figuring it out.

How do I even begin to fix this? Who you choose to have kids with is probably the most important decision of your life and I’m grieving the life I could have had but fear I will never have because I made the wrong decision.