I’m losing my mind. Why won’t my toddler stay asleep?

My son is 21 months old and since he was a new born hasn’t been the greatest sleeper. However, I feel at his age (even before this age) he should be sleeping through the night. He hasn’t gone longer than 3 days in a row sleeping through the night.

We have the same bedtime routine every single night. His room is cool and dark and he sleeps in his crib. He naps for 2-2.5 hours/ day. We try to put him down around 8 since it’s usually 6 hours after his nap but a lot of the times he’s still super fussy and we have to go back in and sooth him. He gets milk and bedtime snacks about half hour before bed. Does he need a better mattress? Should we aim for a later bedtime? Earlier bedtimes do not work because he is not at all ready for bed.

On top of that, he gets up in the middle of the night and is up for 2-3 hours. We’ve tried everything including cry it out. He just screams bloody murder forever. It’s come to the point where he needs snack or milk or to watch an episode of Trash Truck because idk what else to do. I know this isn’t ideal but in the middle of the night, we are just trying to survive.

This can’t be a phase or teething because it’s been like this for months and months. I’m taking him to the doctor to see if he has any other recommendations.

I feel so lost and alone and also envious of other parents who have kids that sleep well because we are doing everything we’re supposed to. I’m so exhausted, the exhaustion we’re both dealing with is severely affecting our marriage and the lack of sleep has greatly affected me mentally and physically.