AITA for blowing up at my mom after repeated issues

This isn't really as serious as some stuff I've seen in here, but I feel so much guilt and I don't know if I'm in the right because of how much guilt I feel.

My mom and I are close-ish, it's kinda complicated. My whole life she's never been much of a stereotypical mother, most of the time growing up I was alone with friends or other family while my mom was off somewhere with her friends.

When I was younger I didn't mind, but for some reason when I started to get older I felt more sensitive to it? I started to resent it and by extension her a little bit since I started school because she'd frequently forget to pick me up. It's not even just the case of I was scared that something might happen to me, but it's just so embarrassing to explain to teachers, friends, and other parents why I'm still in the school lot at 7pm. This wouldn't be a big issue if she let me walk or take the bus, but whenever I do she gets EXTREMELY angry, and lectures me about how dangerous they are, and I don't know what do do about that.

That wasn't my current issue, but I just wanted to give some backstory and examples to understand our relationship better.

Today is the day before my senior trip and I begged her for help with packing, we're extremely poor and we have a really busted washing machine that only she knows how to make not overflow, so I asked if she could wash some clothes for my trip. She said yes, AFTER she visits my neice. At this point t I already knew it was a lost cause and I could feel the tension strain in my body. Whenever my mother goes to my nieces house, she does not come back. I've been over there a few times, and I know that all she does is drink vodka and do whippets. I was just praying that maybe the realization that I was about to move away for college would make a miracle happen and get her to come and spend time with me, but predictably it did not.

When she finally got home at midnight she immediately opens up with how many times I called her, which was really the final straw before I snapped. I didn't go on for very long, but I brought up how for the past 12 years of my life I've been battling for a mother against drugs, alcohol, and my niece, who I love and hate feeling jealous of, but I can't help it when she treats her like more of a daughter than me. Everytime I co front her about this, she gets really sad, and I immediately feel awful and I usually apologize right after, but I was so mad this time I just went straight back to my room.

I feel so guilty because of how sad she gets everytime I do this, appearance wise and with the things she says to me, but I feel like everytime I apologize it just resets her back to "okay I can do this again." And idk what to do. I don't want to have this guilt weigh on me during my trip and I don't want this weird rift between us to become unfixable right before I leave to college, but I want her to know that it genuinely affects me. Idk. AITA?