(TW: Very Dysfunctional Family, SH thoughts) I'm done with life.

You ever feel like you have a shitty life?? It's because you still haven't met me, but now you did.

(I'm sorry in advance if there something that's not written right, I'm Spanish, English is not my first language) Hi, I'm "M" (not going to give my full name), and I'm (16F), and I need to vent, because I don't have any friends to listen and this is my last resource, as I'm not God's best warrior, but I was sure given his worst battle's.

I must have done every literal horrible crime possible in my past life, because what do you mean that I have to deal with a narcissistic, crazy, "I'm a mafia-boss" mentality, abusive and Karen mother?? Like, hello?? What's going on?? What game are we playing?? What did I do in my past life to be this horribly punished??

She's now giving me the silent treatment, again, after like, 9 years?? (The first time she gave me the silent treatment, I was 9, in 2016, it was probably 8 pm, and I don't remember what I did and said, but that was the reason she got mad, that I literally had to write down a note apologizing and saying that I loved her), all because I told her for the millionth time, that if she wants to travel so bad, she can travel alone, and not drag me along with her (specially since I'm 16 now, and I can travel alone if I want to travel, all I have to do is have my documents with me, as in Spain and in my native country, after you hit 14, you can travel alone only if you have your documents with you), but she can't seem to understand that.

The reason why I dislike traveling, it's because I hate changes, ever since I was little, I hate changes because I can't adapt to them, well, I can, but it takes time, a really slow time, slower than a snail, and we've already spent time since October 2020 until January 4 of 2024, in our native country, for my health problems, and now I need a break, but she can't seem to see or understand that (I would also like to throw in that I'm asocial and an introvert).

Now I would like to vent of another thing: Friends. Online friends.

Now, I may sound demanding, and like a bad friend, but I need to get it off my chest.

I know your probably busy with whatever, work, your present friends, but it wouldn't hurt you to remember me and send me a message, and specially when you probably respond to your ex in like, speed of light, when they send you a message that they want to try again, and you fall for it, again.

Out of the three friends that I have, only one takes her time to send me a message every day, at every time, the other two that I've known before her?? SpongeBob (I don't wanna curse, so yeah, you'll see things like this instead of curse words), they probably don't even remember my name or my nickname anymore, they don't even read my messages, let alone respond to them.

My messages are on "send" like since, half a month ago, and they'll keep being on send until they decide to ask me if I'm still alive.

Yes, I do understand that you are probably ten times busier than I am, but c'mon, you know the kind of life and family that I have, and what I'm going through, if you see that a month, two, three months go by, it wouldn't hurt for you to send a message saying: "hey, it's been a few months I forgot about you, you good?? You eat, drink, shower, live??" I mean, I'm not asking you to send me a message every single day, at every single hour, but you could at least send an: "hey, I saw your status, you good?? You wanna talk about it??".

I could literally fill the bathtub in my bathroom and oof myself from life, and no one would know, why?? Well, my parents are old: my mom has health issues and being fat and have fallen many times while mopping, doesn't help either to her now condition and can't come upstairs (she barely does when she has to shower), to the second floor, my father is a truck driver, and he works all week driving the truck from for example: from Barcelona to Madrid, and from Madrid to somewhere in Portugal, or even France (not Paris), I only see him one day, Saturdays, and with a little bit of luck, Saturdays and Sundays (If my dad's boss brings my dad back on Friday, he makes him go on Sunday, and if he comes back on Saturday at 2 or 5 in the afternoon or sometimes at 8 at night or at 3 am, he makes him go on Monday), I don't have any siblings, I'm an only child, and we don't have any other family members living with us, not because we don't have a big house, but because my mother hates and has cut all ties with her family a long time ago, including my aunt, her older sister, whom lives in Valladolid, a few hours from where we live, my dad has cut all ties with his family too because he couldn't cope up with all the drama my grandfather and my uncle (my father's dad and my dad's brother) had with my mother, and because I don't have any present friends, I only have online friends, who do have present friends, my friends wouldn't know because two of the only three friends that I have, don't live here in Spain: my first ever real best friend (a trans [FtM] boy) is from Mexico, my other friend it is actually from Spain too, but she's from Granada, and those are more hours than my aunt who lives in Valladolid, and my other friend, the daughter of the ex girlfriend from like the 80's-90's of my dad (before anyone gets confused, this kid is younger than me, like a year or two, so she's not a secret daughter of my father, her father was Russian, and died while working), it's from our native country, and lives there, so, yeah, I could easily fill my bathtub, get in and cut my beautiful blue hair off (my hair is not beautiful, much less blue), or throw my hairdryer in with me, and literally no one would notice, not even the neighbors, because my bathroom literally has no window.