What should I name my first chapter? [all]

Hiya! I'm writing a book that is based on PJO, and it's kind of a self-insert because I wanted to see how my first adventure would go if I were to go to Camp Jupiter and then have a quest. The writing style is similar to Uncle Rick's (Because I wanted to have that same feeling of writing)

Read through my first chapter (unfinished) and please help me name it in the most funny/sassy/stupid way :>
Enjoy!

(It’s been three days since I’ve been hunted down by mythological monsters.

To be fair, being chased by creepy/weird monsters wasn’t my cup of tea, but there I was: Camped out at the back of a Food Mart (So I could have a way to get sustenance) in San Francisco.

My senses are on high alert. I’ve been running for three days straight, with little rest. If you have not been hunted down by Roman Mythological creatures, count yourself lucky. It’s a real exercise.

The sun was beginning to set, and I really wished it wasn’t. I like the sun. Especially during early mornings, when the clouds turn gold, and all you can see is a beautiful artwork of gold in the horizon.

But that is not the only reason why I didn’t want the sun to set. The other reason was because when the sun starts to set, that’s usually when the monsters come out to try and have a go at me.

In the cover of darkness, I was less likely to see an upcoming attack from a nasty baddie.

The sun was really dipping low now.

I got up from the comfortable (not) gravel and started walking quickly into the Food Mart. I figured that if I got into a crowded area, then I can use the press of human bodies, and the cramped space to buy me time to escape.

So there I was: scouring the shelves, while I strained my ears to listen for any hissing, or any other nasty noises that usually don’t fall into the category of human.

Looking at a froot loop cereal box, I heard a strange noise just outside the Food Mart. A snake–like hissing noise. Instantly, I shifted positions, moving near the small pets section. I planned on using something as a weapon incase I was going to have to fight for my life again.

The hissing was getting louder now. Everyone else didn't seem to hear anything. But, that was anticipated. I’m a half-blood, so I have wider senses.

The doors opened with a pleasant ding, unlike the unpleasant dracanae that slithered in with their snake legs. They slithered around, eyes peeled for a juicy demigod, such as myself, to feast upon.

I moved positions again, slowly moving to my left, as the drakanae moved to my left on the other side of the store.

I am such a professional strategist. 

I got to the front of the pet section, now in a steady pace of walking towards the automatic opening doors.

 My eyes were set on those doors, yet my ears were on high alert.

I did not know why I have spectacular hearing. It must have been a gift from my father. Whoever he was.

See, when my mother was in her prime years, when the movies were still in black-and-white, and adults expected you to actually go out of your bed and play with random kids that were also your neighbors, she fell in love with a God. (And, no, I am not talking about God, like Jesus's father. I’m talking about one of the Olympian Gods. Jupitor, Neptune, Mercury, Diana, Apollo, Mars, Baccus, etc.) Though, I did not know which God, that secret stayed with my mom.

Anyways, she and one of the Olympian Gods had me.

According to my mother, the Olympian left her when I was still in her womb. Which I figured, because, probably he was just busy with…I don’t know…Godly things.

She then told me about my Godly parent when I turned seven, yet she left out the bit where she actually told me who he is.

Looking back at it, I can see that she did that so my already rising anger won’t surface to loathing for my father, but back then, I did not see why my mom had left out that very important part of my father’s name.

Anyways: I had made progress getting near the door. With careful shuffling and constant looks behind my back to check if any of the dracanae were following me, I was almost home–free. (Well, not “home–home–free.” I didn’t have a home to return to.)

I was at the door when it opened automatically and made a very pleasant and very loud Ding!

That got the attention of both of the dracanae women. Their heads whirled round to the source of the noise. 

“Demigod!” tweedle dumb hissed.

Both started to barrel towards me on their two snakes/legs.

I did the most heroic thing any decent person would do: I ran straight out the door screaming.

The two dracanae were hot on my tail, slithering as I ran.

I didn’t know having snakes for legs made one a fast runner, and I had wished that my legs weren’t already burning from running from a hydra earlier.

I ran into an ally, hoping to lose them from the many twists and turns I planned to make, however that was not what fate had planned for me. The two dracanae women cornered me after making two right turns, then four left turns.

I faced a brick wall with air conditioners placed on various levels. I had nowhere else to run.)