Paralysis

After I come home from being in fight or flight more for 9 hours after work. I have next to nothing in terms of things I allow myself to do anymore. I have video games. Drawing and Violin. I cant do any of them.

Video games stress me out from all the energy it takes to immerse in the world and deal with the challenges that comes with them. I have the binding of Isaac but I keep burning out on that game after the millionth loss.

I can barely draw and I just cant let myself draw whatever I want. I put so much pressure on myself when I just hop on and drawing the same thing even though it makes me happy. Isnt that the point of it all?

Violin has become a guilt generator. I have to play consistently to get better but at this point in time I just cant muster the energy to play everyday. My anxiety takes over everything. I dont know how to quit.

This is more just a rant. I dont know enough people who understand me and since coming here again Ive felt like home.