I feel like I am only loved for my novelty, and once it wears off people leave.

I think I’m different from a lot of people because I’m a high functioning autistic - I value integrity, honesty and cherish the people around me quite a bit. I am very devoted to my loved ones. According to others I am super accommodating, kind, a good listener, crafty, and “interesting” - at least on the surface.

Throughout my life there has been a pattern of people being so enamoured with me at first - but once they get to know me more they get bored and move on. It’s puzzled me for some time now. I can’t figure out why people become disinterested in me because my behaviour always remains consistent - I’m very intentional with my actions and words and I’m not one for reactivity or toxicity.

I kind of feel like people only love me for what I can do FOR them, and once the novelty of that wears off people become disinterested and move onto the next person. I feel like I can’t hold onto anyone and anything, and I am so tired of it. I feel so unloveable at my core. I don’t even believe when people tell me that I have desirable attributes anymore because it all feels so surface level and pointless if people don’t want to stick around longer than a year or two to really get to know me. I’ve poured so much into my friendships and relations and yet I feel so alone.