for the longest time I had a hard time believing that I had the ability to socialize with trans people.  I grew up in a really shitty town to say the least and when I started hormones I lost all the friends that I made there and was ostracized by the public for doing as little as wearing makeup to Walmart. The experience had genuinely hurt me and caused me to quit taking hormones about six months in. It's been about 11 months since I quit hormones but thankfully I built the courage up to ask my Endo to refer me to a new doctor in the new city I live in and my first appointment with that doctor is on the 10th. 

just the act of hanging out with a lot of transgender people and having a really great time is boost my confidence more than I could've done myself if I had just stayed home and kept to my usual habits.

My only obstacle now is coming out to my father. He's getting sucked deeper and deeper into the right wing lies, every time I visit him he will be scrolling on Facebook and I will hear a lot of bullshit that he listens to, and he even takes his phone to the shower with him to put on right wing propaganda podcasts. I honestly don't know what to do about it besides just being myself, I've already low-key worn make up in front of him but I don't think he really had the courage to mention it to me, I've been on hormones around him before but he never mentioned it either, I'm pretty sure he was catching on but I had like that influence me to quit even though I didn't want to.

I just wanna say thank you to whoever I met at the Chicago show, sorry for not asking for your names

and even though I felt out of place and like super unfamiliar with being so open about myself to other people, it really boosted my confidence in myself and I want to take this experience that I had back home with me.

going to a Femtanyl show has made me so much more comfortable with being trans