trying to “check out” of my relationship, think the desire for long term commitment is one sided but I can’t get myself to let go

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and a half. I moved in with him around the end of March because he offered after I suddenly lost my previous living situation.

The issue is I want to marry this guy, we’re both mid 20s and I can see myself spending my life with him. I think we’re a good team, we’ve had a bigger fight but we don’t really argue much, both of us enjoy hanging out with each other’s families, we’ve both contributed to somewhat major things in each others lives, we haven’t had any big issues living together, I’m enjoying helping him fix up his house because he’s a first time home buyer/just bought it last year, we have plans to travel soon…. To me it feels like it’s all there. I love him a lot, he’s a great human and I wish I could be lucky enough to get older with him but I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen.

I’m just at a point where my intuition is telling me I’m not “the one” for him, I think he knows it too but is hanging on for comfort or stability or something. I know he loves me, I don’t doubt that, but based off some conversations we’ve had I’m pretty convinced I’m not endgame for him. I wouldn’t be expecting him to propose anytime soon or anything like that, I just feel like most people “know” if a person is the one (to a certain extent) at this point in a relationship and it almost seems like for him I’m kind of just around for now.

Maybe all this is my bad mental health talking and previous abandonment issues, but it’s just a gut feeling that’s gotten stronger and stronger the last month-ish. I feel like I should just cut my losses and move on, I’m the type of person that wants to be married and have kids and something just tells me that’s not going to be this relationship. I enjoy being with him and I’d love to have him in my life for the long haul, but I don’t want to stick around just to feel like I wasted my time (that sounds mean but I really don’t know how else to phrase it) when he inevitably decides it’s time to move on. I don’t want to get to my 30s and feel like I just prepared another guy to get married without being that person for them. I don’t want to get hurt like that again, I think maybe I’m a person that’s meant to die alone and I need to accept that.

Maybe it’s important context but that’s what happened in both of my previous long term relationships. My highschool boyfriend cheated on me/left me for the woman that he ended up marrying. I found out that my last long term boyfriend was engaged less than a year after we broke up. I’m afraid I’m just “one of those women” that maybe men can love but will never see as a wife or a person they’d want to start a family with. I feel like this is going to end the same way and I should just leave on my own terms for once instead of it inevitably happening, but some part of my stupid brain is making me hold out hope even though my gut is telling me I’m not the person he wants a life with.