First night without him

I've been up the last hour anchored to bed, unable to move bc I don't want anymore reminders that he's actually gone. The last few weeks being a caregiver has my body trained to wake up for meds in the night. As thankful as I am that he's not in any pain, it doesn't feel any easier in this moment.

Vet came to the house tonight. It was as peaceful as could be, outside, in his yard. Hard to not replay the whole day in my head on repeat.

The limbo/purgatory time before the actual event was and is the most brutal, painful time I've felt in awhile.

Going to miss those eyes watching my every move. But especially missing my cuddle buddy right now.