Habits i developed because I know what i feel isnt real.

I sometimes see delusions of tall white humanoids on the street or closet, black imps, and pigs. White snakes. Even black figures dashing out in front of my car as I drive. I now blink really fast to see if its real or not.

I always sleep on the ground or as close as I can to the ground because I have a fear if i’m above a certain height in bed aliens will come. I got rid of my bed because I kept thinking i’d see them peering over the frame. Sometimes I lay awake at night and convince myself i’m being watched. This keeps me from leaving my room at night as I fear they’re walking in the halls.

When I was younger i’d see this figure made of black sand fade in at night, I thought this was some kind of alien.

I sometimes even believe my body is rotting or at least it’s not real. I was on meds and i’m a lot better now. I know its all just in my head but sometimes I cant help but feel that my head and arm are empty. Some amount of pain helps to know i’m real still.

Ive talked about this with my therapist and it was chalked up to lack of sleep. Maybe i’m not so crazy but it’s a bit hard to ignore things that aren’t real when I see them.