Vacation to india

I don’t really know where to post this, but here I am.

I’m originally Indian but I live in the U.S., and I’m flying to India in a few hours. I’m feeling a lot of dread. I’m happy I’ll get to see my grandparents, and one of the main reasons I wanted to go was to spend time with my great-grandma — she’s 90 — and I really want to be with her while I still can.

But honestly, I just feel like I’m leaving so much behind here. I’m in high school, and every day feels important for college and my future. Being away for weeks makes me feel like I’m falling behind. And even though we live comfortably in India when we visit, I don’t really enjoy it. I don’t fit in with the kids there, I don’t find much to do, and I just feel out of place. India feels so different, and not in a way that I personally like.

And just to be clear, I’m not super whitewashed or anything. A year after we moved to the U.S., I actually moved back to India and lived there for four years. I’m fluent in Hindi and Gujarati. But still… I don’t know. I just don’t feel like I fit in anymore. My grandparents are really critical, I won’t have my phone with me, and I don’t really know how I’m supposed to spend my time. My mom will be busy with everything and everyone, and I kind of feel like I’ll just be floating around with nothing to do and no one to talk to.

I’m in this weird stage where going to India doesn’t feel like a vacation. I want to enjoy this time, especially with my great-grandma, but I just don’t know how to. I feel stuck.

If anyone has any advice on this, please help