Shitty things that happened to me in 2024

TW: suicide, death

The fact that there was the possibility of so much good last year, and the same day something terrible would happen is what will always make this feel so much worse than it was.

January 2024: my husband and I finally found our first unicorn for our first threesome. And after months of coordinating, we settled on the 20th. That morning, I checked my email first thing: 8:01am- “To my dear friend,” I will spare you the details but my best friend took his life that morning. I got confirmation from his parents, who did not know me (long story, nothing bad) after scrambling to find him with another friend of ours, hoping he did not follow through. I believe I was the only one with a note. His family did not hold a funeral or service. I am unsure if they had an official memorial. I was given the location of his grave by his mother. I have not been strong enough to visit.

February 2024: my husband and I booked our dream wedding venue. The night the contract was signed, I found out he had relapsed his gambling addiction. It was hard boundary break and I left our home for a few days. We have since mended this (promise!)

The spring was quiet. Work was mostly my issue, so the grieving was really suppressed.

June 2024: my husband gets let go from his job after 4 years. He was unable to find work for another 2 months

September 2024: the mix of medications I was on caused me to have intense side effects. I ended up in the hospital (I haven’t been to an ER since 2003) and had to cease all medications. Also had a severe panic attack caused by the side effects AT our dessert tasting (that was more sad because… free snacks… and wedding experiences… but it was still upsetting this is called off my chest)

October 2024: 2 hurricanes in a row in our county area- that’s self explanatory. But this one is the hardest for me. I left for my bachelorette weekend 4 hours away from home. Something felt wrong. Less than an hour after our arrival to the destination my husband calls me: our healthy six year old cat, who was totally fine when I left- was just dead on our bed. Likely in her sleep. Our baby. Our girl. (I am so grateful my closest friends and sister were there, and my parents and another friend were able to get to my husband within 10 minutes of me receiving the call). We never got real answers, the vet suspected a heart condition. We didn’t sleep in our room for two months. I cried every day for longer. We’re still in October: 5 days after her passing, my friend who also worked for me lost her 3 month old to SIDS. I had to handle the work side of things, while still grieving my own loss with this one on top of it.

November 2024: my husband’s new job that he loved just approved his wedding time off. They announced its permanent closure and gave the staff 1 weeks notice of closure. The reasons, in my opinion, were just the rich trying to get richer.

By December I was checked out. I do have things to be grateful for in 2024, but honestly I just want to be able to sit in my sadness and process my grief. I was supposed to be excited, planning a wedding, doing all of that but instead… well you know if you read it.

We got married this year, it was a beautiful wedding. I left my job because of the emotions being so tied to it, and it was my time to go. My team was supportive, and I still keep in touch with many of them. Half way though 2025, and things are okay. But I am emotionally spent. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.