just need to let it out

self isolated for nearly a year because i was in a difficult, abusive situation with a religious group where i got sexually assaulted. my friend called me a horrible person for just disappearing and cut me off because i wasnt putting in enough effort and because my trauma is not an excuse. its so hard to function daily, much less talk to people because the one person i told about it minimalized it and mocked me.

i know i dont deserve this, but god my intrusive thoughts have been so bad because theyre telling our friends a different story and i dont have it in me to stand up for myself to people who wont even stand up for me either.