i don’t know why i just can’t block him

i don’t have anyone to talk about this and i’ve never made a post like this and i have a terrible way with words due to my dyslexia so im sorry if this is a hard read.

we met on an app not too long ago and i felt like we just immediately clicked. it felt a little odd at first because i’m 18 and he’s 30, but he said he was okay with it so i was too! he’s super super interesting and he’s funny and smart, i have so many good things to say about him and i look up to him a lot. he seemed very trusting and we had very open conversations our first time actually talking so i guess i felt like he understood me in a weird way.

however, he’s extremely sexual in the way he speaks to me and he called me very very vulgar name (i feel gross repeating it). i wasn’t sure how to respond to it because we had just met (and tbh i didn’t rlly know what the term meant), so it was brushed off. however, he talks about our age and height difference like it’s a prize and me like im a prize, but when i tried to vent to him about my home life he kind of just grazed over it and ignored me. there’s so many things he’s said to me ever since we started talking, like he told me he thought about murdering me and how i’d look when i died.

it sounds beyond disturbing, i know. but i dont know what he’s doing to me, i cant get him out of my head and it borderline feels like i need him. its so shameful to admit but i dont have much relationship experience and i get attached so easy when all he does is make me feel so good about myself.

this sounds so dumb and like there’s such an obvious answer to this but he’s so… charming? he has this allure to him that i can’t get over. i never had any intention of dating or getting close with a person and im just so confused. it leaves me with the question, why can’t i just block him? why is this so hard for me? it’s so stupid and i feel stupid.