I've never been so down

I ended it 7 months ago because of a bunch of different reasons. On top of it all, it was LDR, which after a year I found it really hard to manage, especially with how uni was going and my mental health around that. I didn't want to hurt her.

I dont want to go into details, but I still loved her, I was just so unsure. She was my first true love/relationship, and I was really bad at it. It was the same for both of us. It really got to her when I tried to break it off but I thought I was doing the right thing.

A few months after the breakup, she reached out, asking questions about my life and some about us. I thought I needed more time, so I told her im not going to answer. I felt like if she was ready to move on she should. Selfishly, I regret it now.

I thought I healed and was ready to reach back out. That no matter what happens, I'd be happy for her, cause her being happy is what mattered. She got a new boyfriend, and the heartbreak hit again. I cant be mad, im the one who ended it. I guess I still had a tiny glimmer of hope, im deep in denial. I didn't try moving on beforehand, it just stuck with me and was eating away. It just feels like a constant weight on my chest, and im confused by all of it.

I dont know what part of this im regretting, or if im regretting all of it. I just need to move on but it's so hard, I've never had a connection like that before. And now I know its truly gone.

Tldr; it really stings, yknow?