5 months of NC and..

He just disappeared from my life overnight. We had been together for almost 2 years. Distance dating. In November, I traveled to the beach with a friend and we were “fine” after very bad months. On a Friday, my flight was canceled due to rain (it was more complicated than that because the rain was in another state, delaying flights) and I had to postpone my return for a day. We were talking normally (but I was very stressed). And we argued once again (just like every other time during the bad months) about him working too much and not being able to see me again. I said goodbye to him very angry. I posted a photo of a restaurant. He saw. And he never spoke to me again. I thought he believed I missed the flight. I thought thousands of things. But both were exhausted. I spent 5 months “fine”. I never looked for him after the ghosting. A week before my birthday, he looked at a few days of stories on Telegram. I sent a message to understand. We talk about the end. We talked again. On my birthday there was “I love you, you are very important to me”. A week later, one fine day, he decided to look at the 52 photos on Telegram (which are archived in the profile). There was no man. Just me, friends, dinners - 5 normal months. And he JUST disappeared again. That's when I fell. I was fine. I fall into total depression. Everything I was doing well before, I stopped completely. Almost 40 days of NC again, I assumed I wanted to understand and sent him a congratulations that I found out about his project. And he simply showered me with affectionate and passionate messages. I said I didn't want to go back. That she loved him but wouldn't return to that chaos. Even if that wasn't the reason for the return of conversations. Then it dried up. Distanced. Before he made me disappear again. I - already traumatized - freaked out. And today we spoke on camera. He used the same argument I said “I don’t want to go back”. But 10 minutes “I miss you, your skin, your smell”.

• Men, where did I go wrong?
• where did he go wrong?
• Are you jealous of his feelings? And I didn't see? Because he was never jealous - or does he harbor jealousy and disappear?

It sucks that I sent him a message after he looked at the stories. Everything that was good turned into chaos. And I can't get him to tell me exactly what happened.

Ps - I never cheated on him. Even 2 years away.