don’t want to live the rest of my life dreading spending time with in laws

Does it ever get better?

The transition after having our first baby was rough. We (hubby and i + his family) have gotten past it. I have 2 under 2 now and in laws have been 1000x better with the arrival of second baby. I can see them putting in the work. But i still feel resentment. I still dread visiting them. I still don’t want to hang out with them. I still get annoyed when they want to see my children or hold them. I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to hate holidays because that means i have to see them. I dont want to live my life hating the weekends because “oh no I hope the in laws don’t want to see the kids”.

Deep down i want a great relationship with them. Deep down i want my children to have a close relationship with their grandparents. Deep down i want to be at peace and have a “go with the flow” attitude when their events and visits happen.

Or do i? Idk. Sometimes i regret meeting my partner and wish I would’ve fallen in love with someone else. Someone whose family wasn’t.. weird. Someone who’s parents I actually got along with and looked forward to spending time with. Maybe someone with sisters who I always dreamt of pretending they were my own be I always wanted one. I mourn the in law relationships I envisioned for myself. I think about leaving my partner often. But I could never coparent with my babies being so small. Not when they need me the most. Will I ever be ready to coparent? Who knows. I just hope it gets better and these feelings go away. Can anyone relate?