Drowning deeper

This is my first time I'm writing anything, anywhere. I'm in my early twenties, have been suffering from depression since I was a kid. It feels like I'm drowning, sinking deeper everyday. I'm in a really dark place. I tried therapy in hope to feel better but after wasting a lot of money on my therapist, I'm still as hopeless as I was before. I'm unemployed, pathetic, weird, lonely and just so hopeless. I tried everything I could on my own-self help books, gym, sunlight, multivitamins, health check ups, reaching out to some friends (who don't really give a damn) etc. I just can't do it now. I'm done. It's like I'm always walking on eggshells and everything is just so meaningless. I feel like disappearing from this world. But for now my suicidal thoughts are passive ideation. I don't how much more I can take. My parents taunts and nags me about being unemployed. But they don't know I get panic attacks just at the thought of interview. They don't have any idea what I'm going through. I can't tell them because they won't get it - for them mental health thingy doesn't exist. I'm interested in a lot of things but my mental health won't let me do anything. I'm so weak and numb. I don't really have anyone to share anything with.