2 year old daughter - unsure what to think.

Hi everyone,

I'm a parent of three, and I’m hoping to get some perspective from those more experienced. My daughter just turned 2 and has been showing some behaviours that have me wondering about possible signs of ASD. I know every child is different, but I’m feeling unsure and could really use some input from others who’ve been through this - especially if you have a child that sounds like mine.

We live in the UK and recently welcomed our third baby. During the first 5 weeks, both sets of grandparents visited and cared for our two toddlers while I focused on the newborn. My daughter (now the middle child) became noticeably quiet and withdrawn during that time, which is when my concern started. It felt like she pulled into herself and she would barely speak.

Since then, I’ve spoken with our Health Visiting team and her nursery. Her ASQ scores were developmentally appropriate overall, though her social score was on the lower end. Nursery staff describe her as sweet and well-behaved, but very quiet, often in her own world. They’re now doing regular check-ins with us and have set some developmental goals.

Here are some things we’ve noticed:

• Doesn’t always respond to her name, especially when playing
• Occasional stimming: hand flapping, looking at fingers or toys up close, counting on her hands. Looking through her legs upside down.
• 100+ word vocabulary, starting to form simple phrases (e.g., “I want home/milk/cuddle” or "its a.." or labelling something by its colour "pink pig")
• Mostly prefers solitary play—sometimes plays near others, but rarely with them.
• Passive: if her brother takes a toy or joins her play, she often just walks away
• Doesn’t call for us from other rooms, can lie quietly in her crib for long periods
• Enjoys playing with the same books over and over—loves pointing at and labelling animals
• Doesn’t react to others being upset or crying
• Little interest in siblings—rarely initiates interaction
• Sometimes stares off into space in a kind of trance
• Loves role play—spends time with dolls in a dollhouse and animals on a toy farm
• Spends time in the mirror making faces and laughing to herself

That said, she has many strengths:

• Good eye contact. Joint attention is OK.
• Very affectionate with family
• Calm and easy-going
• Not sensitive to sound, textures, or changes in routine
• Sleeps well and adapts to new environments
• Engages warmly with extended family, even those she sees rarely. Has specific memories that she associates with them.
• Loves music, singing, dancing, and dressing up.
• Brings toys to share but only with adults

My husband thinks this may just be her temperament, especially compared to our more outgoing eldest. Our family isn’t worried either and thinks that I may be symptom spotting or irrational because of postpartum hormones - but I have this persistent gut feeling. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, and I know 2 is still young, but I’d really appreciate hearing from other parents who’ve been through this with a child who is well behaved and passive.

Thank you for reading and for any insights you’re willing to share.

Note: I did the MCHAT in that period where she went very withdrawn and she scored 7. I've done it again recently since she's started to engage with us again and she scored 4.