I want to die because I live in a dictatorship

I'm using my secondary account, but anyway, I don't use the word "dictatorship" loosely here, the country I absolutely despise is ruled by the same "president" ever since I was born and another important detail is that the state is at war with another country.

Even when I was a child I didn't want to live here, I don't belong here, the culture, people, everything seems so alien to me, I simply don't feel as a part of this society. However, I can't leave because a) I don't have enough money b) i literally might be conscripted in the military so I can leave since customs employees will not allow me to do that c) bureaucracy.

Obviously, my BPD makes everything worse. I have those "episodes" almost on a daily basis when the only i want to do is to kill myself and finally put an end to this suffering that people call "life".

The situation is so fucked up. I feel like I don't have any alternatives other than committing suicide, that's the only thing that's in my control.