Therapy might be leading us to divorce

My HLH and I started couples therapy a few months ago (at his suggestion) so that I could get back to wanting to have sex with him more often than the 2-3 times a month we were having it. We had so, so many conversations about it. He’s a recovering sex and porn addict, and although he’s made a lot of changes over the last few years, it hasn’t resulted in more desire on my part.

After a few therapy sessions, our therapist pointed out that I have a lot of trauma when it comes to relationships and sex, and that I should seek out individual trauma therapy first before trying to figure things out as a couple.

Processing 30 years’ worth of relational and sexual trauma has been absolutely debilitating to me. I didn’t realize how much I had repressed and dissociated from, and having to relive it has been devastating. My therapist helped me realize that I’ve never actually had a non-abusive/coercive relationship, so trying to imagine what that would be like is very difficult. It’s actually pushing me further and further away from feeling like I’ll ever be able to have a healthy relationship with sex. All I feel is shame and disgust at this point.

Now that I’m just scratching the surface of all of this trauma and seeing how deep it really goes, I feel like it’s an uphill battle that I’m not sure I/we are going to win. I feel Iike I would be better off alone, where all of my trauma won’t hurt anyone else. I know a lot of HLs feel like we LLs don’t care about causing our partners pain, but I very much hate that this is causing him to feel rejected or unloved. When I’ve tried to share some of my history with my husband so that he can try to understand what it’s like for me, he just says that he can’t imagine what those experiences must have felt like, and it makes him sad and uncomfortable. He would prefer not to talk about it, because he says that when I’m hurting, he’s hurting, so it’s very difficult for him to watch me in pain.

My question now is, how the hell do I have this conversation with my husband? He thought therapy would be this amazing thing that would help me want to be sexual again, and it’s actually doing the exact opposite. When I told him that therapy has helped me realize that I have a lot more pain and trauma than I thought, and that it’s going to take a long time to sort through, his response was that “as long as there’s hope that at some point we can have a healthy relationship again, I’ll be patient.” The issue is, sure, I have hope that I can be healthy again someday, but his comment is making me feel like there’s some sort of clock on how long it will take me to want sex again after all this.

So, short story long, should I just tell him to leave me if I can’t guarantee that I’ll ever have any sort of sex positivity in the future? Should I be the one to leave? I know that a lot of HLs in here say that we LLs should just leave if we don’t think we’ll want sex again, but I don’t know if I will again.