AITA for not liking my partner’s brother’s girlfriend?

I, 21F am in a relationship with, for the purpose of this post let’s say T, 27M. I should make note that I have struggled with jealousy issues in the past and I know insecurity is where I lack as well as being aware of it playing a big part in the issue of struggling to maintain my relationships. I would really appreciate some advice going forward, thanks Reddit!

A few months ago I moved to a different country, I moved in with a long distance friend and into a circumstance I wasn’t expecting. Let’s just say our friendship turned very poorly very quickly, due to issues involving the state of the home, the care of the animals, and so on and so forth.

I got my first job at a berry farm in this country. That is where I met my current partner, T (27M). We’ve been currently dating for a couple of months and since I was in an awkward situation, he insisted I move in with him and his parents. The only issue was he was moving to another country himself very shortly, I knew this going into the relationship. We spent as much time as we did together until the day we had to say goodbye, which was very hard. He planned to live with his brothers and best friend. Making promises to keep and plans to see each other again. Then the issues really started with us.

I wonder where it all went wrong, truly, on my part, his, both, or whether or not the distance had contributed. But eventually we started arguing, almost daily, if not every other day. The main points that come to mind were one argument we had, he said I was encouraging him to spend too much time with his brothers and asked me why he can’t go alone anywhere and if it’s because I don’t trust him. I thought I was pushing the opposite as I truly felt like we didn’t make enough time to have a phone call once a day because he was always preoccupied with them and I wanted us to both make more of an effort. Once he made that statement I told him that was the farthest thing from the truth and I actually wanted to spend more time talking on the phone/schedule an hour or two a day where we can just catch up at nighttime.

Anyways from then on, he spent some time alone, most of his time with them, but the majority of his time with one of his brothers and his brother’s girlfriend. Let’s just call her C. T + C clicked right off the bat and during our phone calls he would be busy chatting with her and them and laughing. Sometimes I’d be sitting there for 20 minutes trying to get him to hear the sentence I had been trying to say 20 minutes prior because we were mid conversation. I know that sounds pathetic, but regardless I was making an effort on my end. I did try to give him some credit though due to the fact he’s never done long distance before. Everything was fine and my jealousy was at ease since people are allowed to have friends and she was dating my boyfriend’s brother.

Until one day, my boyfriend during our call at night told me about something that had happened in the car that day. C was showing my boyfriend a picture of one of her friends, who is also his age, and a multi-millionaire at only 30 years old. She then proceeded to say that she was going to set him up with her but I “ruined” their plans by him getting together with me. Apparently she inherited money from her father being unfaithful to her mother and her parents starting a gold mine from nothing way back in the day. Recently, she just sold a 4 million dollar house.

The day before she had given my boyfriend and his brother some shirts she said she didn’t like the fit on her of, however it’s only my boyfriend who ever seems to be wearing both shirts. I write this post as my boyfriend just sent me a picture going to the gym in her shirt, but I see it as a symbol of ignorance at this point. I told him that was disrespectful to say, and to show a picture of her (she’s beautiful by the way) and to say something like I ruined it just made me feel so awful. The worst part is I cannot be there to defend myself.

But I digress, the next day he went to drive his brother to work (an hour and a half away). And then proceeded to tell me he was going to drive back with her, alone. This is where the controversy may come in, but bear with me Reddit. I was uncomfortable with it. C apparently needed someone to come with her because she would be too tired after an hour and a half drive (the brother would drive there). I asked him if he could just either not go, or drive him solo and he said he would mention it in the morning (around 5AM).

I wake up and he’s already gone, and yes with her. This would be the first time they’d be alone together. He said his brother asked him to and they didn’t understand as to why. My boyfriend easily gives in to peer pressure and has FOMO, so he has to attend every event and be part of any small thing that’s happening, this is also something his mom often mentions. He also has trouble setting boundaries.

I can see where my trust issues come into play here however I did ask him if he could just not go. As I said, I’m young and we both have set boundaries like me spending time alone with a male friend would also make my partner uncomfortable, but again I’m getting off topic. The brother is currently gone for a week now, starting his work week he has to stay the entire time and then return a week later. Not sure what happened after that but I heard she went home. She had stayed the night previously to go with her partner to work in the morning. I told my boyfriend I was uncomfortable that he was spending time alone with her and that he went regardless of what we spoke about the night before and my feelings towards it. Still not sure if they are valid or if it’s just my insecurities.

The day after T needed to fix his brother’s truck while he was at work, and needed C to drive around and follow him to make sure he gets to the shop okay in that vehicle. Supposedly only she knew where the shop was, and she didn’t know the name of the shop.. so she had to come with. But it was also down the street from her house? I still can’t wrap my head around that part of it all but again I found myself in a whirlwind of emotions due to this. It’s every day now. This was yesterday.

Anyway, the only person I confided to about the original situation with the millionaire was his parents, with whom I’m still living with in this country. But yesterday I go on my Instagram, only to see she’s unfollowed me. I haven’t spoken to anyone else and I did inquire with my boyfriend about it, but he said he hasn’t spoken to her so he doesn’t have a clue. I haven’t spoken to her either yet. But she did view my story right after I posted it, two days ago and yesterday. Almost 2 minutes after I did. Then I guess shortly after viewing she decided to unfollow.

The only other thing that upset me about this was that before he left for the new country, he promised me we would watch a new movie that was coming out in theatres together when it came out, and he wouldn’t watch it without me. But the first thing C did was beg her boyfriend to take her to said movie and apparently wanting all of the brothers to join as well, like she was adamant on it. My boyfriend told me he was going to go watch it with his brothers because C keeps begging him to go see it. I was upset, it felt like in person I actually mattered and he considered my feelings the majority of the time, but now that we’re over the phone it’s unrealistic to have expectations and boundaries because who’s gonna know anyway right? Anyway, he did go to the movies, but supposedly they all went to see it and he chose a different one instead because he changed his mind after he saw it hurt my feelings. I didn’t want him to feel like he was missing out, but when we first saw it, it was in a trailer when we were at the movies in person together. I’m still super excited to go see it with him.

Regardless, I feel like they don’t respect me, part because I’m not there in person but I can’t be too sure if I’m overthinking. Either way, me and the brothers get along well as we all (including T) play video games together often, as it’s one of my hobbies. Honestly, seeing him wear her T-shirt again an hour ago just prompted me to want to talk about all of this, I don’t have many new friends in this country I can speak to about my feelings yet.

Am I the asshole?

TL;DR Partner moved to a new country with his family, arguing often and brother’s girlfriend seems to not like me

It’s worth mentioning that the brother dating C was originally very unhappy he got into a relationship with me due to him getting out of a long term one earlier this year, with promises to work on himself.