[1404] UNTITLED FIRST CHAPTER FOR HORROR NOVEL

Critiques:

Peripheral by xAnnie3000 - https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/uayGSv6maE

The Prettiest Girl in the World by Programmer-This - https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/QFLpttIU9P

My goofy ass chapter: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-KzDxr0i6mdxtK5_4rrUwq8sOhsHPMgPw-F5TjNosBY/edit?usp=drivesdk

Okay so I’m not entirely sold on what I’ve written, but I have planned a lot. I’m just not very good at writing (according to my boyfriend). So, be as harsh as you want; it’s no hard feelings, I just need to know how I can improve this because I’m having fun writing, but I am also very very very insecure about it, and that makes me feel bad about myself!

Say anything you want, it’s a free country!

If you need some help though, here are some questions I have:

• Does the prose compliment the atmosphere well?

• Is the hook good enough to make you want to read on?

• Was I too mean to the pug? (Genuinely nearly cried writing that bit, I had to edit it to be less intense — I’m autistic and love animals so it upset me)

• Is there enough action, characterisation, description?

• Can you envision this scene well?

Thank you all for any comments I get, love you guys!!!