Hello all, this is my first post I'm making here (other than critiques), and I'm looking for some feedback on this story I have been working on.I have just gotten back into writing this past year, so still shaking off some rust as Ive been going along.  I have redrafted this first section a few times, but I am looking for some more hard critiques. I am very much interested to know how the prose holds up, and if it seems appropriate to attempt to make it more "flowery", or if the current more minimalist style better serves the narrative. Any feedback is welcome/appreciated, and I thank you all for the effort/attention. 

  
\[1456\][Crit One](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1l1jxo6/comment/mvsmdaa/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)

\[430\][Crit Two](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1l245ht/comment/mvs8mgh/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)

  
The link to the google doc will follow, feel free to leave comments and stuff in the doc if you are so inclined.

[https://docs.google.com/document/d/15hp8M5FVG0LM4SWev\_d41bR8YFyy7J-XVPYo0RP-iqs/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/15hp8M5FVG0LM4SWev_d41bR8YFyy7J-XVPYo0RP-iqs/edit?usp=sharing)

[1160] Untitled Short Story