I had diahrea at physical therapy and still don't know how to feel about what I did

Hello.

I've been going to this physical therapy center for months now. They've never been perfect, rust here and there, mold in the showers, lights not working... But I like it here. The people are nice, it's the closest one from where I live, and I definitely feel better when I go (I have debilitating chronic pain).

I don't use their toilets a lot, mostly because they're not very practical and I'm very shy about anyone potentially hearing me.

But last time I couldn't hold it in. I don't know if it was something I ate or something, but I KNEW that I wouldn't be able to wait till I make it home. So between potentially shitting myself on the way home, or going in their toilets, I choose the latter. I do my business, I feel terrible and sick, but at least, it's done. And then, the most terrible thing happens. No. Toilet. Paper. I look all around the porcelain, nothing. Not even a napkin, anything. I try to tear the cardboard of the non existing roll, The cardboard is too thick. It won't budge. I try to open the trash can, desperate. ... There's eggs in it. Just eggs. Broken eggshells and filled with white and yolk. I close the trashcan. I search my pockets one last time, still empty. I consider whipping myself with my underwear and just, putting it back in my bag and washing it at home.

But I know my father's waiting outside the establishment so we can go celebrate father's day together.

I can't possibly get in his car with a bag that stinks of poop.

There's a sink. But no soap.

I brace myself, and start the water, scooping/wiping myself with my bare hand and rinsing it in the sink. Again and again. Until I feel like it's almost clean. Or as clean as I can tolerate it and stop touching poop with my bare hands.

I wash as best as I can without any soap. I dress back up.

I manage to almost not think about it during the whole evening.

Now that it's all said and done yes I realize I could've gone about it in a million of other ways. But I panicked.

Tldr: I had diahrea at physical therapy, and had to scoop my own poop and rinse it without any soap then act like nothing happened.