The wind is changing, but I don't want to let go

We have been everything during the last couple of years. We have been strangers, lovers, close and drifted apart. We had good times and bad times. And we stayed friends.

Now, I am feeling a shift. You, your life, is changing. I am happy for you, I truly am. I am happy you go out, socialize, enjoy yourself. I am happy you are happy, because I want the best for you. But maybe that means us parting. You no longer reach out. You don't take the time for me, because there are others, who are more fun. I know you like me. I know I could call you any time in an emergency. We have a past and that will always be there.

But do we have a future? We live far, and you don't take the time to visit me, saying it is too complicated. We don't have much common interest. You say that does not bother you, but then we do not spend time together. I miss you, and I miss doing things just the two of us. There is always someone else in the calls, and you leave early if there is noone else. You don't want to plan online calls with me, and only rarely say yes to my invites to play. I get it. But it still hurts.

Seeing you play with others, play on playing and enjoying yourselves for hours. I cannot stand it. I feel left out. We have the same friend group, but I do not feel part of it anymore. You found game that you injoy, as a group. But I am not in it. And I cannot stand listening to you enjoying yourself when I am not part of the fun. It hurts me too much. And it hurts me that you, or anyone else, are not noticing it.

I feel there is a shift, that is happening. I feel we are drifting apart, that I am losing you. That you found better people to spend time with, that you found a nice pattern in your life and I no longer am part of it. And I know you would not leave me. In your sense. You would consider me a friend if I diappeared and we only talked every some years. But for me, that is not friendship. That is nostalgia. And I think maybe it is time to let go. Let you live your life without stressing over my needs that were never yours.

It might be time to accept being alone, and not rely on you all the time. Would it make you happy? In 5 years, 10 years, would it make ME happy? I don't know. I just know it hurts. It has been hurting for months. But I don't want to let you go. And I know it might just be the most selfish thing I do.