I’m 20 and I cannot read a paragraph, focus let alone understand what aim reading at times!

I’m 20 and throughout my whole life, I just post tips, seek self help and am stupid to the point i sent a 30,000 word document to my ex explaining myself on an apology, feeling misunderstood and always having abandonment issues from my parent as a child and abuse from them, where I give out life advice now but I barely even read it myself or take from, because I don’t understand what i’m reading or saying. I used to lock myself in my room as a kid to escape my dad who would hit me. He used to take my IPAD to the point where it made me stupid and that I needed the IPAD to survive so now I rely on my phone and computer games. My parents suspected I do drugs so they went to my friend and harassed and stalked people on the street asking where he lives, and his parents phoned me and reported my dad to the police, now my dad abandoned our family and left, and he’s not giving me money. I used to rely on school when I was little but I changed about 8 subjects because I was bad at them and feared failure because my mom would definetly make fun of me and reidicule me and tell me I should’ve went to work so now I am not even good at school or study. I feel useless at my job. I cannot read a book, sit through a TV series let alone a movie, I cannot understand it, I think about all the ways aside from the actual right way. I learned this when doing Maths and Physics, I cannot solve an equation. I have normalised asking ChatGPT to help me understand EVERYTHING nowadays, whether reading, doing my assignments, which i barely ever understood what i was doing. I’m studying communications yet I can’t even write or understand a journal article or have the patience to read it all or just zone out mid way. What is this? I don’t know what I want, I just don’t want to waste time and I see my friends getting opportunities that i missed and i don’t know what to do.