Emergency CPO

I'm so exhausted. My best friend of 15 years, my partner of three, the person I thought I would spend my life with, and now I don't even know who he is. I finally had to file a protection order. It was granted immediately, and though he tried to dodge the service, I finally have my home back, or at least what's left of it. He made sure to take anything of value; electronics, jewelry, money, trading cards, etc...

The last couple of days have been a blur, talking to police, lawyers, doctors... I still have to call my landlord, try to explain, pray for grace as I found out he wasn't paying the rent and it's two months behind, come up with a plan to replace the flooring and walls he destroyed. The social worker said it was just drug induced psychosis, that is was safe, he was safe, that he said he would never hurt me, that he was dedicated to his recovery, he said it with "sincerity and conviction". Those words, all black and white right there in the medical report haunt me. That was only a week ago, but it feels like a lifetime.

Even with the protective order it hasn't stopped. First he sent his mother, and then fearing a violation, he sent the police. He accused me of taking his debit card and ID despite the fact that I wasn't even in the house, I was being sheltered and hidden from his violence. He his a phone on the property after setting up drug deals and tried to have me arrested, but thankfully the neighbors cameras caught him hiding it when I wasn't there, and I never go to that part of the house. I was told if he had any contact, if he came near the property, if he kept harassing me it would be criminal, that it would mean he got arrested, so why doesn't it stop?

I'm still afraid. Afraid I will find more stashed in the house, afraid of the threats, afraid he will break in, afraid to even shower, of being vulnerable and not hearing a window break or a lock being picked over the running water. I'm afraid of the complete apathy of the people who swear to keep others safe. Of those who say "if you see something, say something" despite the fact they don't plan on actually doing anything.

Fentanyl, Meth, and Benzos didn't just destroy my Q's life, they destroyed mine as well.