How do people not spiral from comparison? I can't stop needing what I can't have.

Do normal people just scroll Reddit or go outside, see a hot guy with a nice dick and a hairy body, beautiful beard and just... move on? Do they not spiral? Do they not feel that instant kick of, "Yep, there's a thing I can never have, a body trait I will never achieve, and it's unfair and I hate myself now"?

Because I do. It's immediate. It's involuntary. It's not a thought I choose. It's a full-body collapse. My brain instantly says: That right there? That's the thing that would fix this ache.

And the worst part is, I know it won’t fix everything. I know this is trauma-rooted. I’ve been in therapy for decades. I’ve done the work. I can name every dynamic. I know why I crave men with specific body traits, hairy, bearded, dominant, masculine. I know it ties into unmet needs, unhealed wounds, and yes, daddy issues. Cool. Knowing that hasn’t turned it off.

What hurts isn’t just that I want these men. It’s that I need them to want me back to feel like my body is worth inhabiting.

And every time I see someone who is what I’m not, it confirms: they get to feel chosen. I don’t.

It’s not learned helplessness. It’s literal helplessness. These are genetic traits I cannot change.

And before someone says, "But you could find someone else who loves you!" — no. That’s not what this is. I don’t want just someone. I want them. I want the kind of man who triggers this ache to look at me and want me.

I’m not asking how to stop wanting. I’m asking how people live with wanting something this badly when the likelihood of ever getting it is so low.

And how do you even start grieving something that’s still technically possible? What do you do when giving up feels like losing everything, and hoping feels like self-torture?

Do other people really not feel this way? Do they have cravings this deep that don’t rule their entire emotional reality?

I''ve got accomplishments in other areas outside of my body I've just not been able to stop the comparison between my body and the one I need to feel attractive and confident. Sorry if this doesn't make sense lol.