It’s all ready

I have everything prepared for that time. I don't understand why I still act like life matters. I have the pills, the rope, everything I need in case my previous attempts fail. My last attempts have failed already, and I refuse to let god save me this time. I'll do whatever it takes to burn in hell, which is where a dirty soul like me belongs. I'm already too far gone and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Fuck writing notes, fuck everything. I wish I could just let go, but despite accepting my fate, I still hold on to those I care about. Why? I must die. I must die alone. Nobody can save me. I'm counting the days and I have exactly 8 months and 16 days left. I can't wait guys. I can't wait to finally atone for my actions and suffer :)