My marriage (35F to 36M) is a job

I’m a 35F married to 36M and we’ve been together since we were 20. We have a good life together and we each have good jobs. He’s a great dad and is always involved with our 4 kids. We’ve been faithful to one another the whole time and typically have good communication.

The past several years have been filled with episodes of ED for him and we basically never have sex anymore because it just doesn’t work. He gets mad that I don’t let him use his fingers but it’s just because I want more than that. He gets so in his own head when things go wrong that he then mopes for days. I feel like I have to be careful with my reactions or fake it so that he doesn’t have these internal meltdowns.

On top of my just wishing I could have a damn orgasm, he’s also so needy just all the time. He needs me to make all the decisions and to reassure him about everything. If I don’t tell him several times that his cooking was good, he thinks I hate it. I also have to tell him constantly that I love him and think he’s a good husband and good father.

Should things always be like this? I’m having to be there for our kids and also manage his entire emotional well-being. I’m exhausted and I want to be taken care of in ALL the ways. I’ve been thinking about divorce because I just don’t know what I’m getting out of this anymore. He’s a good man and a good father but maybe he’s just not what I need. And maybe I’m not what he needs? Maybe he needs someone that will always tell him and remind him of these things he wants to hear. I’m so lost. Am I being a b-word? I love him but should it feel like a job to be with someone?