Is he a narcissist? Or am I crazy?

My husband has had anger problems for years. We have a three year old daughter, and I’ve been asking him to work on this for some time now. My therapist has been trying to get me to leave him for over a year, but I just kept putting it off. I finally brought him to couples counseling, and in the second session, we all three agreed he needed to stay with his parents while he worked on three things: finding a therapist for his anger, getting medicated for his adhd, and seeing a doctor for his pots. He got a therapist and was asking to come home after 1 week. He asked again at the end of week 2, again I said no. When he asked again at week 3 and I declined, everything changed.

He shut off his location for the first time in our entire relationship. He texted me making demands about our daughter (I had not withheld her from him, but she was staying with me at the house). When I asked if he was interested in a formal custody agreement, he sent me chicken scratch on a piece of paper that he said his lawyer wrote down for him. I knew that was bull.

Communication between us completely stopped unless it was about our daughter. I moved forward with my attorney, as things were clearly taking a turn. Last week, he stood at the end of my driveway shouting to my father that I’m cheating on him with my trans male friend. He said he had videos of my friend getting out of the car and not leaving until the morning. This is true, my best friend did stay over one night. Slept on the floor of my living while I tried to hold myself together over my imploding marriage. Mind you, another female friend had stayed 8+ times. And not that it matters, but my trans friend has not had bottom surgery. So I’m not even really sure what he’s getting it.

It turns out he asked my neighbor for video footage because I kicked him off our security system when he started acting crazy. Glad I did, because he very obviously was watching me.

Before he showed up at the house with the cheating claims, he turned off my internet, cancelled my car insurance, cancelled my Pilates membership, drained the bank account by making multiple large payments. I lived the entire week in a state of anxiety wondering what was coming next.

Then, as if he’s so sweet and amicable, his attorney sent over the most reasonable 50/50 agreement you’ve ever seen. Of course there were items that my attorney red lined and sent back, but overall, he didn’t get crazy. I’m sure he’s aware by now that I have actual documentation of his abuse over the last 4 years. I also have 5 years worth of therapy notes to back up what I’m saying. Even with all of that, I’m not sure why a person who thinks I’m a low-life cheater is so willing to get this show on the road like this.

He did all the gaslighting, blaming me for his faults, telling me he was going to change. Maybe the next blow up is on the horizon, who knows. I’m just so… confused.