Is it actually vaginismus or is it my husband?

Hi all,

I had hymenoctomy and Botox for vaginismus and I’m able to insert intimate rose dilator 6 easily when I’m not turned on. Size 7 just doesn’t go in more than a tip. My husband had been absolutely awful to me during this time, I mean he stayed with me, but every time we are unable to have PIV I hear how patient he has been and how it ruined him, and how broken I am, and how my condition causes the worst thoughts for him. Without going into details, he is verbally abusive when he’s angry. We managed to have PIV once and I manage to get a dilators in, but I just don’t feel safe around him so I’m afraid this is the reason most times it doesn’t work. I just expect, if things don’t work, to be given silent treatment or be called names or hear how patient he was and how I ruined him due to seless marriage, and how sx is meant to be easy. How can I fix this, if I can’t even get turned on when I feel this way? He sees nothing wrong in his behaviour and it’s all my fault because I’m the one who’s broken.