Hope you feel better soon

My wife wanted to open up to explore D/s a year and a half ago, which I agreed to. Since then it has been a very rocky adventure for me. I’ve lost my sense of self-worth and my sense of masculinity.

Dating as a married cis man has been rough, and reflecting on it today, I have realized that everyone I have dated in this time frame had dysfunctional relationships within their marriages or how they approach dating. Which makes me feel bad about where I am coming from.

I dragged us into therapy a year ago, and all though communication had improved, I generally drive the topics we discuss in therapy.

There are a lot of details I could dive into, but I feel they are irrelevant. The reason I am posting is that I recently asked that my wife be home by 9 so that we can reconnect (she mostly leaves at 9am and is home 10p-1a). This was a very long time in the coming to find a voice and ask for my needs to be met in some way.

Alongside these struggles is alcohol, which has made things worse. I use to drink for fun and now it is becoming more a coping mechanism. I disclose this to provide a fuller picture. Again, just a snapshot.

We have had discussions on that topic and where it comes from.

This evening while she was out with her Dom I texted her “Feel like I am not in a great place, might be in bed before 9. Don’t want to be in a position where that can be held against me if you are home at 9 and I am asleep. Do what you want with that.”

Her response “Got it. Hope you feel better soon”

how do you read that?

Otherwise, this community has meant a lot to me and has been very eye opening. Much love ❤️