I have been walking on the verge of suicidal depression for the last nine months

I don't know how I still haven't broken down. I'm a 25-year-old neet without education and probably a future who has never worked even a day on a real job.

The worst thing is that all my little achievements and painful fighting with bed rotting, for the most part, almost in toto, are overlooked or mocked, which is very discouraging and "pushing" (if you get what I mean).

Imagining how I kill myself is helpful, btw. I don't know why, probably some psychological trick, but it's dangerous too