Relapsed AGAIN. His stupid therapist proposed a stupid plan

He relapsed today. I think the rose colored glasses are coming off.

I know it takes time for addicts to get better. I work in a drug and alcohol rehab, so I know that relapses are likely. But goddam this shit really hurts when it affects me.

So my bfs stupid therapist recommended in order to help my bfs “daily battle and mental anguish” that maybe we can compromise while he’s in recovery and he can watch porn and jerk off every other thursday morning for 30 min. It’s this specific time because he struggles around that part of the week because i don’t go over.

I reluctantly agree. I thought maybe i was being too harsh with expecting him to just never watch again ever in his life. i understand this is a deep rooted addiction and he hates the shame and guilt.

Last week I know he didn’t watch because we had the day off and we had sex. Well i tried to deploy the same strategy and went over this thursday morning after a 12 hour night shift JUST to give him sex, thinking that would satisfy his craving.

I’m sure most of you ladies could predict this from a mile away but, i went over today and idk if it was my gut or if this is a real thing (SORRY for tmi) but i was playing with his balls and like—they felt empty lol. it really could just have been my intuition but whatever, i mention it to him and he gets quiet. Yep, he watched porn last night.

I lose my shit. How weak can men be that they can’t go 1 day without watching? His phone was clean and i asked where he watched, and he said the TV. So ladies idk how he did this (i think maybe internet browser on his PS4?) just a heads up if they know u check phones, they can use the tv🥴

What made me more mad was that he said “im confused why you’re mad, you said it was okay and this is my first relapse in 2 weeks.” like oookay congrats buddy u want a cookie for not breaking my heart for a mere 2 weeks? i’m starting to feel like he prob didn’t even want me to go over on thursday, he probably would have rather watched porn than have sex with me. I’m feeling very defeated. I just started my masters program and i work full time. i don’t have time for men who act like asking to not watch porn is like building a spaceship. I KNOW i’m not asking for too much. Men just can’t deliver, pathetic.