Should I just stop and go back? I'm tired of being unsure.

I'm so tired of worrying and doubting

Tomorrow (15th) will be 1 month of hrt for me, and I had been really hoping for some kind of mental clarity that this was right for me by now. Im just tired lol. Im still worrithe mirror (ed I'm making a mistake, but at the same time I'm afraid to stop?

Im worried that I'll regret it down the line when something irreversible happens, but at the same time I've had a friend point out that I've had thoughts of wanting to grow breasts, even if not that frequent amidst the worries.

I've also gone both ways of worrying about the hrt and wanting it to work faster?

I have a pair of breast forms that when I wear under something make me smile looking in the mirror (aside from my masculine face), but looking down and seeing them peek through breaks that joy sometimes. I also painted my nails for the first time and kept looking at them at work, so thats gotta man something.

I'm also worried that im not gonna put in the effort going down this route, because I struggle to put effort into most things. That i won't put in effort into makeup, or voice training, or posture/mannerisms, etc. and I'll just end up being a blob and hate myself worse. Just constantly depressed. Im also limited on free time between work and stress from family, and its usually spent either sleeping, or unwinding with youtube or games/online friends.

There's also still a small worry its just crossdressing, even though i don't think it is, because a lot of my happy moments I've had have been tied to clothes I think.

I started just typing to ChatGpt to kinda vent thoughts cause its easier to talk to not real people, while i wait for my 1st proper therapy appointment.

Part of me just wonders if it would be easier to just... stop, and go back to what I was before, not caring about myself, maybe just dressing up in private, maybe thinking about being a femboy but likely never doing it, etc. Idk how long id last, though I'm dont think id do anything too dumb, but burn out is coming regardless so whatever.

I had just been hoping to be more sure about everything by now, and not still so scared and unsure.