AIO? My husband has zero self regulation skills and pops off at small things.

My husband has struggled with regulating his emotions our entire 11 year relationship. I feel like I am way too often having to de escalate the conversation and help him calm down. He tends to anxiety spiral - for instance will see a scary headline in the news and gets so worked up he will stay up all night stressing out over it.

I do worry however we may have an anxious/avoiding attachment with me avoiding his big emotions so I’m providing this recent example to see who is overreacting, me or him.

Our 12 week old daughter had a really fussy day and didn’t nap pretty much at all. I had her in a carrier and placed a pacifier in her mouth attached to my shirt with one of those one piece silicone beaded clip on things. She napped like that for about an hour and when I lifted her out we noticed one of the silicone beads left a red mark and small impression on her temple area. (Think like a crease left on your face from a pillow). My husband was very concerned and upset. He demanded we never use the pacifier clip again and I said ‘Sure, we won’t use them like that moving forward’. I went back to what I was doing and thought the discussion was over.

Well it wasn’t and he quickly escalated with a raised voice asking why I didn’t apologize, or take accountability for neglecting my daughter while she was in my care. Again, all this was over a temporary mark from a silicone bead. I said I didn’t think it was that serious and the situation was resolved by agreeing to not use the clip moving forward. He argued around in circles and eventually it devolved into him claiming I have no compassion for others and was unable to see his perspective on the situation.